Introduction to "Cary's Corner" Column November 8, 2010
Hello.
 Some of you may know me; I’m Cary. I am a local reporter. You may have seen me around. I’m the guy always snooping around, getting into everybody’s business and then spreading it around in various newspapers and websites. I apologize if I have ever overstepped my bounds or made anyone uncomfortable, but it pays well so you’ll just have to find some way to get over it.
When people do see me out and about in public I am usually seen alone. I would imagine people think that because of that I must be single. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. I happen to live with a girl named Dell. The reason you have probably never seen her is that she is comes down with viruses quite easily so she hesitates going outside. I’m sure you understand. Dell and I speak all the time (even though I do most of the talking). She is so smart and seems to know every detail about every single conceivable subject. It’s hard to keep up with her and sometimes I just can’t remember all the information she gives me so we employ a live-in stenographer named Hewie (short for Hewlett, short for Hewlett Packard). Hewie is a whiz at remembering everything she says and takes impeccable notes which he later documents and presents to me so I can study them. The three of us make quite a pair. We discuss such subjects as health, religion, creativity, physiology, too many to here mention and Dell and Hewie had a great idea. They suggested we share our views with the rest of the world. Now since they are such hermits and they know that I pretend to be in the media and people have bought it, they asked me to find some public outlet for us to share our thoughts and after much wining and dining and endless flattery to her I have convinced my editor to allow us to express our views on this website and we are proud to introduce a column called "Cary’s Corner". I have called it "Cary’s Corner" because I did all the legwork while Dell and Hewie just sat at home drinking hot cocoa and talking about me behind my back while I was out so why should I give them any credit. Hey, I’m the one paying the electrical bills if you know what I mean.
"Cary’s Corner" will be a weekly, bi-weekly, tri-weekly or yearly column (depending on how much sleep I have been getting and if anything worth watching is on the cartoon network) that will express my opinions about every topic under the sun which means that I will be taking solar eclipses off. All that I ask is that you read them with an open mind, then get sutured back up and not to worry as neurosurgeons have been working miracles when it comes to brain surgery, chew over what I say and then agree with me totally and be enormously impressed by how brilliant and physically beautiful I am.
Well, that’s about it. Dell is getting tired and Hewie is getting antsy so I must go now. What, you all thought I lived with someone named MAC? Why, because I’m thin, neat, single and live in Sayville. Not that there’s anything wrong with that of course.
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Portrait of the writer as a youngster. Hey, how could you not take advice from that face. And what the hell happened?
You can contact Cary Maya at gmaysgmays@gmail.com |
